Trial separation
Trial separation checklist
A trial separation can create space for clarity — or it can become an indefinite pause where nothing improves.
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Not therapy. Not legal advice. A thinking framework for clarity.
1) Define the purpose (one sentence)
Example: “We are separating for 60 days to reduce conflict and test whether consistent change is possible.” If you can’t name the purpose, you’re not running an experiment — you’re stalling.
2) Set a timeline (and a review date)
- — Duration: 30 / 60 / 90 days (pick one)
- — A midpoint check-in date
- — A final decision date
3) Agree on boundaries (what’s allowed / not allowed)
- — Living arrangements (who stays where)
- — Money/bills rules
- — Communication frequency + channels
- — Conflict rules (no late-night fights, no insults, etc.)
- — Dating/sex boundaries (explicit, not implied)
4) Decide what “progress” means
Don’t measure feelings. Measure behaviors. Pick 3–5 signals (e.g., no blowups, consistent therapy/counseling attendance, shared planning, reduced stonewalling, follow-through on agreements).
Want a structured framework?
If you’re stuck between two painful options, start with the free 10‑Q checklist, then use the guide to price the trade-offs.